Lindsay and I traversed the state from sunny St. George to winter-ridden Provo on Sunday in order to see Tracy and Darren and go to a much anticipated book signing of one of mine, and Tracy's personal favorite, author, Jodi Picoult. If you haven't read any of her books - DO SO. They're all good. All of them. Moral dilemmas + twisty endings = Good books.

It was a ridiculously cold visit my friends - cold, cold, and cold. Personally, I don't know how you Northern Utahns stand this weather :). It's swim time down south! It was so cold I nearly froze my toes off - literally - since I only brought open toes shoes for myself. Since Tracy and Darren had to work during the days Linds and I did lot of window shopping, sight seeing and playing. We went to Kangaroo Zoo in Pleasant Grove where they have about a billion inflatable jumping apparatuses for kids to play on. Lindsay only dare to crawl through the small ones and down the small slides (head first, mind you), but was honestly more interested in the machines that were keeping the inflatables up; however, she had a fun time running around screaming, stealing other kids' drinks, and pointing at nothing in particular.

Since Linds tends to wander around like a lost puppy, I resigned myself to getting her a baby leash - albeit begrudgingly. I keep my dogs on a leash, you know? But holy heavens, did she despise that thing. We went to the Dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving point and I put the little backpack on her that the leash attached to and she was okay with it as long as she didn't feel me pulling on it. One tiny yank and she immediately dropped to the floor like it was an earthquake drill and commenced screaming like a wild banshee. It wasn't annoying in the least. I'm sure the other museum patrons especially appreciated it. Lately, she has been OBSESSED with stairs and so she spent the majority of the time climbing the two steps up to this massive dinosaur scale and then back down. Up, down. Repeat. Oh, she also ran around screaming and pointing at nothing in particular :)

On Wednesday, Tracy took the day off and we went into SLC and played at the Discovery Center at the Gateway. More screaming and random pointing ensued :) It was the cutest little place though and we even saw a kid wearing suspenders - who knew they existed in that size? And who allows their kid to wear suspenders? I mean, really? Do you want your child ridiculed for the whole of his childhood simply because you're sick of pulling up his pants? Maybe buy a smaller size. But I digress.

That night we traveled the city Lewis & Clark style to find where the book signing was held (thank goodness for cell phone GPS or we might have ended up in Reno) and although Linds didn't sit still or keep quiet even though I brought 8 billion books and treats (perhaps duct tape next time?) and I wasn't able to hear much of what the author said, I did get my book signed first and learned she was also left-handed. We lefties gotta stick together. God made a few people perfect, and then he made the rest right-handed. Sorry, I don't make the rules :)

Today (Thursday) was bitter cold so we stayed inside as much as we could, but having the wildest child ever to live on earth, I had to take her out so she didn't completely destroy the hotel room. We decided to make a trip to The Quilted Bear. Now, normally I love The Quilted Bear. They have cute home decor and other fun and creative thingamajigs. On this trip, however, we found a rather odd and disturbing item for sale. And no, this isn't a joke.

Now, apart from the unknowing stars of To Catch a Predator, I was unaware that there was even a market for toddler lingerie. Sadly, I was mistaken. I can only imagine "Little Lady Lingerie's" competing products: Garter for Girls, Toddler Teddies, Baby Boustiers, etc. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I'm decidedly against toddler promiscuity. Call me crazy, but I'd rather not tell my one year old it's bedtime and now she should go "slip into something more comfortable." But I guess that's just me.

We also took a trip up to see the new Draper temple and it is quite beautiful. The houses that surround it were almost ridiculous in size. One in particular was quite extravagant - too extravagant even. I pity the fool who has to dust that bad boy. As I sat taking a picture of it, I could almost feel talking clocks, candelabras, and other come-to-life furniture staring at me through the windows - and an unbearable urge to check out the west wing. (Beauty and the Beast reference, in case you thought I was just word vomiting).

Later on, we decided to have Thursday television night at Tracy's, which turned into Thursday wild child driving us crazy night at Tracy's. My child is not unlike Animal on the Muppets. - climbing this, pulling this down, throwing toys, spilling drinks, etc. (but, in her defense, being unfailing cute all the while.) Tonight is a good example of why my child has a 7 pm bedtime. After 7 pm, my sanity is NOT guaranteed.

Tomorrow we drive home - hopefully snow encounters will be few and far between - and I will be back to wearing flips and enjoying the sun! Happy Extended-Winter to all you Northerners - give the Ice Queen my regards :)

1. Rihanna & Chris Brown - I can't believe how many people are shocked that she took him back. Not to be insensitive, but isn't that how abusive relationships work? Abuse, apology, reconciliation - repeat. "They Take Back Their Abusive Boyfriends!" That's not something they put in the "Stars! - They're Just Like Us" pages of Us Magazine. However, I'm sure Oprah's warning to her will mend her ways. Sarcasm intended - mostly because I can't stand Oprah.

2. The Movie Australia - I firmly believe that any and all movies should be limited to a 2 hour time limits. No exceptions. If a film cannot make it under 2 hours, well, then make it a sequel! Most of us DO have lives! (myself excluded) Australia is 2 hours and 45 minutes of dust and Hugh Jackman. And although I certainly prefer the latter, even too much of Hugh Jackman can't be a good thing. It was just way, way, way too long and not near good enough to make up for it. Less is more, people. Less is more.

3. This Bachelor Crap - Of course ABC couldn't settle for another boring season of their good old fashioned meet her 'n marry her show, so this year their Bachelor thought it would be fun to flip-flop Hillary Clinton-style and make himself look like a complete d-bag. Which probaby means he was an original d-bag to begin with - just hiding in a tailored suits. The Sutters being the exception, do people really think that they will find true and everlasting love while dating a bevy of desperate singles all while being constantly filmed? I mean, come on - really? Like really? I guess desperate times call for desperate reality shows.

4. American Idol - How many times are they going to throw in surprise changes in the show before it's not even American Idol anymore and just turns into a bunch of snarky judges making subtley homophobic jokes at a metrosexual host. Oh, well I guess that's something that hasn't changed :) I say let's just keep to the original format, no more sing-offs for your life, get rid of a fourth judge (and by 4th I mean Paula since she's off her meds and can no longer offer any more crazy, loopy, pain-pilled fueled interviews and lets be honest, it raised ratings). FOX better be careful because too much changes could mean AI ends up a karaoke contest complete with has-been stars of the 80's looking for their next big break. KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID

5. Presidential State of the Union Addresses. Don't think me unpatriotic but I HATE with a PASSION when the address just happens to fill up Thursday night's television slots. That's MY TV NIGHT!! And does it have to be broadcast on every channel short of QVC and Animal Planet? I say how about Monday morning between 9 & 11. I doubt the elderly wont be mad about missing two hours of Matlock and Murder She Wrote reruns. It's not like I don't care about what the President has to say, I just care about the time he chooses to share it. I get very angry when I miss The Office and 30 Rock. You won't like me when I'm angry.

Blog comment codes: Do you ever notice how when you comment on someone's blog the little code you have type in always looks like it just might be a word - but isn't? Whenever I leave a comment I always chuckle at the random near-words that come up and try to figure out what, if they actually were words, they might mean. Here are the ones I've come across today and what I think their definitions might be, should Merriam-Webster ever decide to give them a chance.

emisses - An electronic alert notifying someone that you are mourning their absence.
"I haven't my kids in a week, so I sent them some emisses."

orgatrell - The older brother of Gargamel, the Smurfs' evil nemesis.
"Orgtrell and Gargamel sure know how to make small blue people mad."

totierni - A lesser known pasta variant.
"Oh no, not totierni again!"

mifix - An small, evil, mythical creature.
"Whatever you do, don't cross paths with a mifix."


badapes - A group of apes that participate in unsavory behavior.
"Those badapes sure give us primates a bad name."

nudwerm - A naked earthworm.
"I'm thinking of joining a nudwerm colony."

thingi - A word that is on the tip of your tongue, yet you can't quite recall it.
"Hey could you bring me that thingi over there?"

prelf - The time before an elf became an elf.
"So what did you do in your prelf days?"

Silly word games.

Yay! Today my little one turns 1 year old! How the time flies :( Just yesterday I was cradling her tiny, little body and now she's practically a lady! Pinkies up! Just so you can see how much she has grown over the past year here is something to compare it:

At 4 weeks, this was a loose dress on her. Today, she wore it as a shirt :)

Now, birthdays are a big deal in my family so today, I sat her down and said, "Alright, kid. Here's how the birthday gig works. Today is YOUR day. We do whatever you want." I did, however, warn her that there was one stipulation: Your choice of activities cannot involve the consumption of any inedible and/or hazardous items including, but not limited to: Rabbit poop, toilet water, rocks, dog food, and nail polish remover - all items which she has tried to eat in the last few days.

So, after I gave her the birthday rundown, she received a bath so she was fresh and clean and she decided she'd like to start her day with a little naked reading. I mean, who doesn't?

She then thought it would be fun to follow the pups out in to the backyard.

Then she chose a delicious and nutritious birthday breakfast of: A bowl of Cornflakes, three swallows of Diet Coke and a Ghiardelli dark chocolate and raspberry square. Then after naptime we got ready and went to say a Happy Birthday hello to Daddy at work and Lindsay climbed every step of the grand staircase up to his office all by herself.

After that we headed to Sue's Pet Castle for some puppy browsing since there's nothing in this world that Lindsay loves more than a puppy. I figured I was less likely to bring home a $1,000 puppy from a pet store than I was a free one at the pound - their said little faces make me want to take home every one of them! Lindsay squealed at a Puggle, a Pomeranian and a Beagle and then found her puppy favorite, a little boy Pug. We named him Frank -a.k.a The Entertainer - but, sadly, we had to leave him at the store :(

We then had a nice lunch at The Egg & I where Lindsay threw toys, books, silverware, straws, sausage, apples, and french toast all over the floor. She also apparently upset a couple of ladies sitting next to us because they asked to move to a different table because, "they couldn't handle sitting next to loud, uncontrollable children - no offense." I said, "None taken. We have a problem sitting next to pretentious middle aged people with holier-than-thou attitudes. No offense." A lovely meal with lovely conversation - it all equals out :)

We then headed home for second naps and then we went for a ride in Lindsay's new buggy Squirt. We walked all the way to the Texaco to get a drink and a sucker and then on our way home it got unbelievable windy and Lindsay wanted out of Squirt and to be held. So picture me walking through the strong wind with a sticky kid on my hip while pushing a little buggy and trying to keep sucker juice and hair out of my face. (It reminds me of when we were little walking to Harts in the rain while giving piggy backs - Mel, ring a bell?)

We then had dinner and Lindsay ate her mini Barbie cake. Well, she mostly ate the frosting - but don't we all? We even got a cute video of her while we were singing Happy Birthday.

She then had another birthday bath in order to cleanse herself of the pink and blue frosting facial she gave herself, and then played with her presents in her diaper. I wish on my birthday I got to cover myself in cake and frosting and then play half naked with some toys. Ah, to be a child again!
She also will get to have a big family party on Saturday. Uncle Darren, and Aunt Tracy and Aunt Kelly are coming down to celebrate. Naturally, I chose a puppy-themed party, complete with a puppy pinata! I'll be sure to post some more party pics on Saturday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!