Seriously?

Posted by Shannon & Lindsay

Here it is again........

I'm getting really sick of Hollywood. Not sick enough to NOT read the magazines and/or read the celebrity gossip, but seriously people you are getting on my nerves!

Jon Gosselin - So you're going to file for "primary custody" because Kate is an "absentee Mom"? Seriously? Seriously?? What do you plan to do with those 8 kids? Take them down to some dirty club in Las Vegas, stick them in a VIP booth with boxes of YooHoo and then subsequently hit on every passing 18 year old who isn't averse to dating the world's biggest douchebag?
Yea, I can see that conversation happening,......

"Yes, I am Jon Gosselin. And yes, ladies, I AM wearing an Ed Hardy shirt. Oh those? Those are just my kids, I mean, entourage. We're just enjoying a little "primary time" together. Now who wants a drink and a chance at 15 seconds of fame followed by a ruined reputation? The line forms here."...................

Sounds like a parenting plan every person should adopt. Seriously! Not like Kate's got all her priorities straight, but I'm pretty sure her priorities don't involve barely-legal serial dating, chain smoking, and shopping around reality shows with Michael Lohan, who just might be the world's best father. And by father, I mean complete idiot. And by idiot, I mean , "How are you even still allowed to speak in public?"

Jesse James & Miss "Bombshell" McGee - Seriously? What even is this? How did this happen? And how is he okay with just commenting that it showed "poor judgment" on his part? Poor judgment? Seriously?! Last time I checked, poor judgment was like waiting to start your research paper the night before it was due, not frequently cheating on your extremely famous wife on multiple occasions with allegedly anti-Semitic strippers. I don't know what he was thinking. Maybe he thought, "Well, if Tiger can get away with it........wait....." Yea, you're going to get caught. You will always get caught. And when you toss in a little bit of stripper and a dash of anti-Semitism that's only going to expedite the process because strippers are ALWAYS honest in their dealings with their fellow men and NEVER looking to make any side cash by talking to tabloids....right....

And this "Bombshell" nonsense? Seriously? What were you thinking would happen when 30 seconds after the Oscars ended you released your perfect storm of a story? You'd get $30,000? Sure. Pity? Not so much. And did you really expect the world to believe that you're NOT anti-Semitic when, well, those pictures and tattoos are speaking more than 1,000 words? Seriously?? That's like me getting a tattoo across my chest in Old English lettering that says, "I TORTURE PUPPIES" and then getting mad when PETA won't let me host their annual bake sale. Seriously!! Tina Fey said it best. "When your body looks like a dirtbag's binder from 7th grade metal shop, it doesn't bode well for your character." Seriously, seriously, seriously.

Tiger Woods - Seriously?? I'm not going to even bother. All I know is, next time don't wreck your car, and for the love of all things good in this world, DON'T TEXT IT. IT CAN BE TRACED!

I'm done.

3 comments »

By Lindsay

Posted by Shannon & Lindsay

Today I..........

Let my Mom sleep in

Served my Mom plastic cookies in bed

Wanted oatmeal for breakfast but didn't actually want to EAT it so I got a cookie instead

Watched Spongebob

Wondered why there are constant interruptions during my Spongebob watching

Helped my Mom do laundry

Walked into a pole and got a goose egg

Tripped into the wall

Went on a ride in my car to the park

Went on the slide

Said hi to some kids

Helped my Mom with more laundry

Took a nap with my glasses on

Went in my potty

Emptied my potty

Ate some crayons

Pooped on the floor

Cried because I couldn't go outside

Unlocked the door and went outside anyway

Got put in time out for unlocking the door and going outside

Tried to eat a rock

Put my shoes on the wrong feet

Didn't care that I put my shoes on the wrong feet

Dumped my apple juice on the carpet

Picked my nose

Wiped it somewhere I shouldn't

Threw a few tantrums

Dipped my cookies in my yogurt

And it's only 5:01

3 comments »

It's Easter Time!

Posted by Shannon & Lindsay

What a weekend!! We had such a fun time this weekend with all the family down. And by all the family, I mean ALL the family. We met Darren's girlfriend Nicole, hung out with Tracy and her fiancee Jake, took in a day at the Art festival and had a great BBQ with the cousins. I need a nap!

Linds loved all the goings-on at the Art festival - she loves anything that involves people - and we were all flabbergasted when she sat ever so still to have her face painted. She was like a statue! I had never in my life seen her sit so still! Maybe in order for her hair to not look like an electrocuted ponytail I'll need to bribe her with face paint from now on!

She also found every puppy in the place and was in love with a large, curly haired dog that she sat and pet for a good five minutes. She loves her some puppies!

We also had our annual family BBQ at Aunt Gayle's house complete with the obligatory Easter Egg hunt. It's fun to remember participating in the hunt when I was younger and now seeing my little one have as much fun as I did! Linds was more fun this year since lately she has been obsessed with hiding eggs so she had a blast!

It was a great, tiring weekend! I'm excited for NO MORE HOLIDAYS for at least another month! They may be fun, but they are EXHAUSTING! Pessimistic, perhaps. Realistic, for sure.

2 comments »

Things I've Learned....

Posted by Shannon & Lindsay

Today is one of those days when I'm just exhausted by life in general! Single motherhood is a long, tough, exhausting, patience-draining experience and along the way I've experienced a lot of wonderful, annoying, frustrating, blissful moments that only a single-mom could have.

1. It's Always My Turn - No matter the time, it's always my turn. Be it day or night, sick or health, if Linds cries, stubs her toe, gets stuck, or wants a drink, only Mommy is there to provide. It's hard sometimes to not have that other person to rely on when you need a break - or just a five minute time-out in the closet - and being an already impatient person, you can imagine how many hairs I've pulled out. On the PLUS side, it's always my turn :) I get to cherish those moments with my daughter - alone. She knows Mommy's always there, she knows Mommy makes it better and sometimes Mommy is the only one she wants :)

2. Costco Is a Thing of the Past - Days of buying bulk are gone! One can of Chef Boyardee yields leftovers at our house. There are a lot of leftovers, reheated lunches, and spoiled remains because it is SO HARD to cook for 1 1/2. I grocery shopped yesterday for the first time in going on a month - and I probably won't have to shop again for another two! Less trips to the store, but more double-checking expiration dates!

3. Hide and Seek is Less Than Exciting - Linds loves hide and seek; however, she always wants me to hide with her. Since we're a two-person household, that leaves no one else to find us. So a lot of the time we end up sitting together in the dark the hall closet saying, "Ssshh" and waiting........ :)

4. Chore-Tricking is Key - Since I'm the sole provider, that leaves a lot of housework to be done. Carrying in 8 bags of groceries up a flight of stairs can be rather frustrating especially when Linds would rather look at rocks, touch "Blech" stuff, or run after "baby puppies", so making chores into games are an essential part of my day :) "I Bet You Can't Carry This" is a favorite, as it "I Bet You Can't Put This in the Trash", and "Hey, It's Fun to Put the Dishes Away".

5. Picking My Battles is Important - By the end of the day my patience is nearly non-existent, so if Linds wants to dip her Frosted Mini-Wheats in her water, so be it. If she'd rather run around in two different shoes, good on her. And if she'd like to stick her colored pencils between her toes and try to walk around the living room (currently happening), I'll look the other way. If I want my patient to extend into the evening hours, I better make sure I'm prepared to let the little things go. The Time-Out Chair works occasionally - but mostly because I put myself in it :)

6. Kids Learn Fast, but Not Necessarily From Their Parents - Today Linds asked for "More Cereal!" And I said, "When have you known the word cereal?" I was tickling her the other day and she yelled, "Help!" - never heard that one either! It's hard to leave your child in the care of someone else for most of the day and know that it's not you who gets to teach your child everything. Although, luckily, my day care provider is great and I'm lucky that Linds has learned so much there! So far, the only bad word she's learned is "Shut up!" We're still working on that.....

7. Love Grows Exponentially - No matter how frustrated I get when I'm totally exhausted and can't rest, or struggling to make ends meet, I take a second and realize that it's ME who gets to raise and love this little precious gift - and although I'm making my fair share of mistakes, I'm loving the fact that she's here to make mistakes with - and that she loves me unconditionally.....

4 comments »

Color Me Lazy............

Posted by Shannon & Lindsay

Finally, finally, three more finallys, I've gotten the motivation to update my blog!

Hell may have frozen over, Tiger Woods may in fact be monogomous - that's how much of a miracle it is!!!

I'm not going to lie the last year has been a really rough one for me, and I pretty much had no motivation whatsoever to broadcast a bad year for everyone to see. So, now that I'm back - and better than ever - it's time to remeet the world.

Linds is getting bigger every day and I want to make sure she sees herself at this age and how cute and precious every moment I have with her is. She's such a mommy's girl now. She loves makeup, tea parties, and even brings me plastic cookies on toy plates as breakfast in bed. She talks up a storm, babbles, points, and says something new every day. She knows all her colors, and can figure out any puzzle put in front of her. She's in the 97th percentile for weight and height so she definitely has some of her daddy's genes.

It's amazing how much she's grown and how much she is like me. She sleeps in the same position as me, likes things in order, and gets in her fair share of trouble :)

She's my little best friend and I can't imagine life without her!

More to come - scout's honor!

6 comments »

Good Morning

Posted by Shannon & Lindsay

I swear she cleans up nice.

1 comments »

Seriously?

Posted by Shannon & Lindsay

And now it's time for my favorite segment..........

Really?! With Shannon Cobb

What follows are actual conversations I have had with actual people. Nothing has been changed other than me adding what I wish I could have said.

Caller: Hello, my friend is in jail. Can you tell me when he sees the judge?

Me: Sure, what is his name?

Caller: I don't know, I just met him last night.

Really?! You just met this person LAST NIGHT and not only did he wind up getting himself arrested but you neglected to remember his name? Seriously?! Maybe it's time to stop messing around and find yourself some real friends. The further from Purgatory Correctional Facility the better!

Caller: Hi, I was supposed to show up for court today but I ran the marathon and my legs hurt so I didn't come in. What do I do?

Really?! You knew you had court today and yet you ran 26.5 miles all the while knowing that the next day you might possibly have a leg cramp. Seriously!? If all it takes to get out of life's responsibilities is to run a marathon, sign me up! Training begins tomorrow!

Caller: I just got arrested for possession of illegal weapons and I need to find out how to get my guns back. Can you transfer me to the gun department?

Really?! The gun department? Please hold while I transfer you. Seriously?! If you're illegally possessing a weapon, chances are that even if the "gun department" existed, they took your weapons for a reason. I'm just saying.

Caller: Hi, I sodomized somebody. Can you tell me when my court date is?

Really?! As if that information needed to be disseminated for the world to know. Hi, I have genital herpes! Would you like to be my friend? NOT NEEDED. Seriously?! Keep is simple. No one needs to know the sordid details of your life, especially without asking.

And it doesn't stop there. I've had men ask for my number while filing their divorce papers.

Really?! Give it a month!

Ask me to look up another girl's phone number who they saw in the lobby while filing their divorce papers.

Seriously! Give it a month!

And my most personal favorite - someone objecting to their divorce petition because apparently having "rock star" sex fixes all problems.

If only!

Really?! people REALLY?!

8 comments »